I’m so angry right now. And so depressed.  Morose, melancholy, irritated, frustrated, pissed off. I hate people. I hate things. I hate friends. I hate boys. I hate me. I hate life. Fuck this. I seriously don’t see the point. What’s the point in living if I have nothing to live for? That’s an exaggeration, but it has some truth to it.  I will never ever find a guy to like me that I like back. I will never ever find good friends that actually care about me.  I will never ever be happy.  I’m not pessimistic, I’m realistic.

Pearl is so mean to me.  She’s my best friend, and yet she continuously judges me and makes fun of me.  She compares us, with her always coming out on top.  She won’t take no for an answer, but doesn’t care if I get in trouble. And if I do, she doesn’t acknowledge that it is partially her fault.

Nate doesn’t like me.  I’ve known this for a while.  He told me that he didn’t think he was the ‘right guy for me.’  Which translates to, ‘I don’t like you. Sorry.’ I don’t want to like him. I hate liking him. I hate him.  Whenever I see him my stomach gets butterflies.  Whenever he smiles, I feel like he’s smiling at me and only me.  I know that what he said means he doesn’t like me, and yet I keep thinking that maybe he lied. Maybe he was nervous. Maybe he’ll realize soon enough that he does in fact like me.  Maybe, but not really.  Like I’ve said before, I’m a realist. I know that he doesn’t like me. (I would like to know why. I can think of so many reasons, I just want to know why.  Not so that I can change it, but so that I have an answer.  I want to know if he’s a jerk and doesn’t like me because I’m ugly or if he truly doesn’t think we’re a right match.  Or if he doesn’t want to ruin our friendship. Psh. Thats bullshit.)  I’m not going to live in a dream world and pretend that I have a chance.  I know I don’t have a chance. I’m out of his league.  I hate that.

UGH. Death would be so redundant at this point.